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MESSING ABOUT ON THE RIVER

Working as a freelancer means that you are free to work pretty much when you want and where you want. It also means that you can take time off when you can fit it in. So – tell people that are you going away for a long weekend and what happens? They all say “Wait, I was going to ask you do this, do that, etc. It won’t take long (and no I won’t pay a weekend surcharge).”

Tough, pal!

So you go for it and whoosh off (in our case to visit friends in Germany’s Northrhine Westphalia region). There is always the thought at the back of your head that you are not only not earning money on those days, but also spending it: but what the hell!

Having arrived in Dusseldorf, we met with some good friends on day one (including a staggeringly-attractive blonde lady who has been known to contribute to this portal). On the second day, our (non-blonde) male friend suggested he take the afternoon off and join us for a boat trip, together with his charming lady. A magnanimous sacrifice by a freelancer, and as it was comfortably over 30 degrees, we decided to amble down to the Altstadt which is from where Weiße Flotte runs tours to various places.

For the price of € 18 per head, you can take a one-hour trip along the Rhine to the town of Kaiserswerth. This has been a suburb of Dusseldorf since 1929 and was founded in the year 900 as a Benedictine monastery. It is the site of various places, including the ruins of the ‘Kaiserpfalz’ fortress erected by first Holy Roman Emperor Friederich Barbarossa in the twelfth century, as well as the “Diakoniewerk” with its Florence Nightingale hospital (the ‘Lady of the Lamp’ was a star pupil there).

With beer gardens and other attractions on summer days, it is a popular excursion destination for the good burghers of Dusseldorf and I can’t blame them.

The trip takes about an hour each way and you can return when you want, depending upon the sailing times. Another bonus is the fact that the fare includes free beer. When you work out how much beer you would drink over 2 hours on a river boat during 2 hours, I think that is a pretty good deal.

Prost!

The ladies also enjoy unwinding and are grateful for the selfless trouble that you go to in order to ensure their wellbeing.

I can certainly recommend this line and the route – and not just for the beer! Weiße Flotte is also available for charters and does themed evening voyages. Since they terminate in the Altstadt, you are well-located to continue celebrating what ever it was that you were celebrating.

NOT WHAT THEY SELL, BUT WHAT IT DOES
I take a perverse delight in browsing around hardware stores, because they have such fascinating stuff.

Rather than being one of the bigger chain stores, this is more of the old-fashioned (and friendly) type and seems to have so much in stock.

The staff are very friendly and tolerate idiot questions such as:

“I’m looking for one of those…err. you know. You use them to….”

“I need to xxx. What should I use?”

They even proactively offer advice along the lines of “Remember that when you use this, you should make sure that….”

We were recently looking for some garden furniture and we had pretty much made up our minds on a product at Homebase and set off to go there. However, I wanted to call in at this store first for something else and was delighted to see a very similar product here. It was a set of garden table and chairs and the gentleman ran through a ‘dry run’ of assembly on the pavement with me! (The pavement is very wide, even offering room for parking.)

So we saved over £100 by buying there!

The store is very popular in Maidenhead, both with tradesmen/engineers and with the less technically gifted such as myself.

READ THE BOOK, SEE THE MOVIE, GET THE T-SHIRT.

We had purchased Locatelli’s book and seen him on the TV: all that was now needed was to ‘get the T-shirt’, figuratively speaking.

La contessa had been through a bit of a rough time healthwise and needed to go into London upon offical business with my accompaniment. Mindful of the L’Oréal slogan “Because you’re worth it”, aware of her gastronomic prefences and commensurate with her physical need to add a little tonnage, I somewhat exuberantly booked a lunchtime table at the Michelin-starred Locanda.

Immediately upon entry, we were warmly cosseted in the way that the more positive entries here describe. “No mobile phones please” (hence no photographs), no boringly blinged-up and screeching women, nor rumbling and boorishly-bellowing blokes; just serious diners in an elegant and pleasant environment.

We were seated and immediately got outside a glass of prosecco while studying the small print (in fact they publish their menu online daily). While contently nibbling the breadsticks that have also been mentioned otherwhere, we reflected that the bread that follows with the olive oil is also worthy of more than a mention in despatches here.

We then made our decisions:

Hers: Insalata di carciofi e Parmigiano Reggiano
(Salad of raw artichokes and Parmigiano, oil and lemon)
His: Bresaola di manzo al caprino
(Cured beef with goat’s cheese dressing)

While la contessa lustfully beamed her way through the artichokes, I savoured the wonderfully fresh taste of the bresaola and longingly thought of the clear Alpine air of Courmayeur or wherever this beautiful kit had come from.

I had already made my wine selection, which was a noble Piedmontese Freisa- a very tannin-rich cousin of the Nebbiolo grape and the like of which one seldom encounters in the UK. I proposed a toast to a nice lady I know in Berlin who translated one of the proprietor’s books into German.

In between our private chitchat and discussing the food, I mischievously let my attention wander to the next table, where a ̶m̶̶o̶̶n̶̶o̶̶t̶̶o̶̶n̶̶o̶̶u̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶b̶̶o̶̶r̶̶e̶̶ high-powered businessman was trying to sell a ̶f̶̶a̶̶t̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶a̶̶n̶ gentleman of substance some type of ‘networked solution’. I reflected upon the fact that since my days in marketing, little had changed in the basic rules of salesmanship and that this guy was doing it all wrong. La contessa gracefully accepted my comments and the ̶f̶̶a̶̶t̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶a̶̶n̶ gentleman of substance devoted his attention to his lunch, which did not surprise me.

We were then delighted to take delivery of her:

Linguine all’ astice
(Linguine with lobster, tomato, garlic and chilli)

and my:

Rognone di vitello, lenticchie e puré di patate
(Pan fried calf’s kidneys, mashed potato and lentils).

I have eaten kidneys in many places but have never been asked to indicate how I would like them cooked. In confusion, I replied “medium “ and so it was that the deed was done. For the first time ever, I enjoyed kidneys without their traditional hint of bodily waste fluid and cooked in a sauce that I can only describe as blissfully appealing. If I were to find fault in any way, it would be in terms of misinformation, since the “mashed potatoes” were not mashed per se but rather creamed, which was wonderful since I prefer my spuds that way.

With a purring, lobsterised contessa and equally content self, we noticed with amusement that the fat man had still not ‘risen to the bait’, but was sensibly confining his dialogue to his plate. We decided to inspect the “dolci”.

We both went for Selezione di gelati e sorbetti which sounds, looks and tastes better than ‘assortment of ice cream’. Upon asking the waiter what one of the dainty sweets served with our coffee was, he immediately packed a few of these tidbits into a small box for later consumption.

It was with a feeling of immense contentment that we eventually emerged and oozed off towards the railway station.

This place is not inexpensive when you add the wine, but it is worth it, particularly when you consider that there are so many places in Central London that claim the Earth and cost it, but do not really deliver.

LET’S PULL IN HERE

To revert to my ramblings on a recent review: “The ‘gastropub’ concept is one that baffles many in the UK, not least those who are running one. Since it can range from a middle-of-the-road licensed restaurant through to a pub that sells extremely good grub, and can also embrace all grey areas in between, I think that all proprietors should be forced to identify themselves and be ready to be judged on a points basis as in e.g. “80:20 gastropub”. At least we should know what to expect then.”

From my assessment and for my taste, the King’s Head is a healthy ‘50:50 gastropub’, which suits fine for my taste.

A very friendly and welcoming pub, it buzzes to the kind of pleasing undercurrent of warm chit-chatthat makes a good pub and exudes character and charming ambience. At the same time, it also boasts an excellent and wide choice of food, while there is also the added benefit of a separate dining room for those who prefer that environment.

Being ̶c̶̶o̶̶m̶̶p̶̶l̶̶e̶̶t̶̶e̶̶l̶̶y̶̶ ̶̶b̶̶o̶̶r̶̶a̶̶c̶̶i̶̶c̶ in something of a hurry, we swiftly made do with a humble panini and a ploughman’s lunch and these did certainly not disappoint in terms of quality, quantity or value for money.

We visited in the winter, but there is a very large garden for more temperate times of the year and a further adjoining room for private events and the like (see website).

A fine choice of well-tended beers
goes on to make it the kind of place you would pull into on a busy road and certainly not regret having done so. We have returned, and shall continue to do so.

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS

Despite an appreciation of ‘grande cuisine’, there are those evenings when one simply cannot be bothered to venture out (or cook in). ‘Ethnic takeaway’ restaurants that also deliver abound throughout our neighbourhood, but often have a boring habit of changing hands or disappearing into some vast, hungry and gaping chasm.

La contessa does not always appreciate my predilection in this regard (döner kebabs being a particular bone of contention), but is generally prepared to gracefully indulge my whims.

The 2010 winter had not been kind to us. The more so for those of us who live in ‘low maintenance category roads’, which classification our pleasant little cul-de-sac seems to fulfil with resounding success. Thus it was on Xmas Eve that we were not confronted with snow that was pleasantly ‘deep and crisp even’, but rather with vicious and extremely dangerous ice, both on the road and the pavement.

A gentle hike just to the local hostelry would have been somewhat like negotiating the Hörnli Ridge on the Matterhorn, doubtless requiring torchlit helmets, ropes, ice axes, crampons and ice screws, together with being prepared to descend to the equivalent of the Berghaus Fluh on the Italian flank of Monte Cervino if all else failed (“Evening Mr Brown, may we bivouac in your garden shed?”).

Advertising literature from establishments of the aforementioned category is often delivered to a greater extent than seasonal greeting cards. Having sifted through some of these, I discarded a few ‘service providers’ that I knew to have either disappeared, as well as those that had disappointed on previous occasions. Confined to our igloo like a brace of Esquimaux, the idea of a nice hot curry was highly appealing, so I resorted to telephonic consultation for the first time with Curry Zest. Having assiduously and politely noted our requirements and key information such as full name, address, postcode and GPS coordinates (for the benefit of rescue helicopters?) they promised to deliver (“in about 40 minutes”).

I had not long inserted the plates into our supercharged oven for warming when the promised delivery arrived, slightly ahead of time. Welcoming the delivery gentleman I also congratulated him for having negotiated our front path without having coming to grief.

The food was in cardboard containers carried in a festively red warming bag. Here, the difference to all that I had experienced before crossed my mind when I noticed that each container bore a computer-printed label to indicate its contents. This is not an unimportant aspect, particularly with a larger order (“Who ordered what and which one is it?”).

I shall not bore you with the details of what we enjoyed (click ‘Download menu’ on the website), other than to say that it was piping hot and extremely tasty (criteria which are by no means always the case with such caterers, and the latter of which has on occasion been the cause of detailed domestic discussion).

One important consideration is indeed the fact that Curry Zest was awarded 5 stars for environmental health by the Royal Borough of Windsor & Maidenhead http://www.scoresonthedoors.org.uk.

For their bravery in battling the elements, for their promptness and for the quality of their food, I have no hesitation in awarding Curry Zest 5 stars and shall most definitely use them again; irrespective of the weather!

(Updated Jan 2012. Have used several times since to order food for two and quite a few more. Still excellent)